Hello my name is…
Dave Carnie

Aka…
I used to jokingly refer to myself in the third person as “the Carn Carn,” but that joke isn’t funny anymore. If you rearrange the letters in my name, you can call me Eric Nevada.

I was raised in…
Norcal. But I stopped claiming Norcal a couple months ago. I live in LA. And I finally bought an LA Dodger sticker. I hate baseball, but I felt like I needed the LA logo. Like I need to be a part of the gang. I haven’t stuck it anywhere yet, though. Remember when you were a kid, you had a million places to stick a sticker? Now that I’m an adult, what the fuck am I going to do with a fucking sticker?

The reason that you’re reading about me is…
I think it’s because I was the editor of Big Brother skateboard magazine. But that was like four years ago and I haven’t done shit since. I wrote a Volvo script with Spike Jonze. It only showed in Europe for a couple of days.

I work for…
The Skateboard Mag and I’m an editor at jackassworld.com. I also work for my miniature dachshund, Beckett, and my tailless cat, Gary.

Right now I’m working on…
A hangover. And being a food writer. Please check out the wonderful world of Tania and Dave at FOOD ON DRUNK, www.foodondrunk.blogspot.com.

But I’d rather be…
Getting drunk by a pool or on the beach. I used to wear all black all the time, but now I enjoy taking off my shirt and lying around in the sun. Everyone else in my house is doing it, so I figured it must be a good thing. Tania, the pets, everyone is lying around in the sun.

The first thing I do in the morning is…
Fart.

The last thing I do at night is…
Fart. I’m pretty serious about farting.

My mama always said…
“Whenever you do an interview, talk about farting.”

I love it when people…
Fart. I also enjoy seeing puppets puke.

I can’t stand when people…
Come over to my house and shit in my refrigerator. I’m sick of it, man.

The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen is…
Until the entire Bush family is impaled on oil rigs and vultures are eating their eyes out, I’m going to have to say my wife Tania.

The ugliest thing I’ve ever seen is…
The daily occurrence of seeing people jibber jabbering on cell phones.

I am what I drive/ride, which is…
A Whale Cock skateboard. To get one of your own, visit whalecockskateboards.com.

If you ever see me walking down the street…
Pull down your pants, grab your junk and spin around three times. Then I’ll know it’s you.

My most notable run-in with the law was…
The Exxon Valdez.

If I had to say sorry it would be because…
Of this answer. I can’t think of anything funny to say here, so, I’m sorry.

I get lose control when…
“I get lose control”? Is this a Chinese magazine? I guess typos make me get lose control? I’m not sure, but I think this question makes me get lose control a little.

My beverage of choice is…
White wine. We discovered it during a summer about five years ago. I hardly drink beer anymore. Just a tall, crisp glass of white wine with a couple of ice cubes in it. Well, lots of tall, crisp glasses of white wine.

The last time I swore I’d never drink was after a night of…
I am not a quitter.

Future projects and plans include…
After I answer this question, it looks like I’ll be working on one more.

I’m voting for…
The Fonz—HEEEEEYYYYYYY!