Hello my name is…
Kelly Bird.

I was raised in…
I heard Geto Boys on the radio a lot when I was in high school.

The reason that you’re reading about me is…
Most likely because I know Canale, but being the Brand Manager for Lakai might have helped a little.

I work for…
Lakai Limited Footwear.

Right now I’m working on…
Ideas for this year’s Halloween costume.

But I’d rather be…
Shotgunning Monster Energy drink until I have a permanently irregular heartbeat.

My most prized possessions are…
Signed print from the first Danny Way mega-ramp shoot, my wedding ring and Fully Flared.

But I’d give it all away for…
The opportunity to witness Barak Obama take the Presidential Oath of Office in January.

The first thing I do in the morning is…
Awkwardly hunch over the toilet in an effort not to pee all over it, then hit the kitchen for some green tea.

The last thing I do at night is…
Usually Colbert.

My mom always said…
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

I love it when people…
Who make $28 grand a year and have no health care vote Republican because they can’t stand the idea of abortion. Pure brilliance.

I can’t stand when people…
Are full-fledged adults and can’t properly dress themselves when their friends get married.

The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen is…
Hakeem Olajuwon completely dismantling Shaq in the 1995 NBA Finals after he’d just annihilated MVP David Robinson in the Western Conference Finals.

The ugliest thing I’ve ever seen is…
Sam Cassell.

I am what I drive, which is…
Magnetic Grey Toyota Prius, aka the new black Jetta. It’s pretty much every third car in LA, so would that mean I’m a waiter/Scientologist?

If you ever see me walking down the street…
This question obviously wasn’t written with Angelenos in mind. Uhh, if you ever see me walking down the street…uh, I don’t know. I guess say what’s up before I get into my car.

My most notable run-in with the law…
Arrested in Memphis at the 2007 MTV Sports and Music festival for destruction of property. If you’ve ever caught an episode of The First 48, you can understand why spending 36 hours in Shelby County jail could be sketchy for someone such as myself.

If I had to say sorry it would be because…
You slept outside a store on a sidewalk for something that cost $18 to manufacture.

I lose control when…
I hear George Bush talk.

The last time I swore I’d never drink was after a night of…
Getting barreled.

Future projects and plans…
November 4th, do or die.

And before I leave I’d like to give a shout out to…
David Cross.