Describe your very first bike.

It was a nasty, rusty piece of shit…a Schwinn, I think. I never had a dope bike when I was a kid, so now that I’m old and can’t afford a Porsche, I build BMXs.

Describe your current bike.

I have two right now. An ’82 24” GT Cruiser with Redline 401s, KKT Lightning pedals, Diacompe MX 900 rear brake, CW cruiser bar with Oakley B2 grips on Araya rims with Comp IIIs… Um, what else… The second is an ’83 CW full-size cruiser with basically the same setup but in a different colorway.

Why do you bike?

It feels good.

Who would win in a fight between Lance Armstrong and Lance Mountain?

I don’t believe in Lance on Lance violence so I can’t comment with a clear conscience.

How come you don’t wear a helmet?

My head’s too big. And besides, everyone knows, only sissies wear helmets.