Do you believe in aliens? If so, what do their bikes look like?

According to the Church of Scientology there are in existence multi-dimensional aliens called Thetans. They are an omnipresent parasitic life force that attaches itself to human bodies and are the major cause of personal suffering and paralyzing self-doubt. Although, through years of avid studies and heavy monetary contributions to the Church, such aliens can be detected and thus exorcised from your body via a proprietary device called the E-meter. So, in a sense, they ride whatever bike you’re riding. Thetans are both complete freeloaders and positive role models in my book.

Who would win in a fight between Lance Armstrong and Lance Mountain?

Arm won what, like seven consecutive tours? He was victor over testicular, brain and lung cancer which is a complete sign of willpower and amazing self-determination. Although to Lance Mountain’s credit, he lived through Powell Bonite boards.

How come you don’t wear a helmet?

Obviously my skull is super thick.

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