Photo by Damon Kidwell

Hello my name is…
Dirt Nasty.

Aka…
Juliani Regalia, aka Simon Rex. I got all kinds of names.

I was raised in…
The Bay Area.

The reason that you’re reading about me is…
‘Cause I’m a rapper who’s funny and not hard.

I work for…
Shoot To Kill Music.

Right now I’m working on…
My Pontiac Fiero with hood flames. So hood.

But I’d rather be…
Getting my feet rubbed by a pre-op transsexual.

My most prized possessions are…
My MPC, Pro Tools, my MCM jacket with matching fanny pack, and my dead cat.

But I’d give it all away for…
A green Jolly Rancher or some change.

The first thing I do in the morning is…
Kick the ugly girl out my house.

The last thing I do at night is…
Watch Conan O’Brian naked.

My momma always said…
“Shut up idiot.”

I love it when people…
Drop names.

I can’t stand when people…
Drop names.

The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen is…
A garbage truck in Oakland.

The ugliest thing I’ve ever seen is…
The sunset in Hawaii.

I am what I drive, which is…
My ’68 Buick Riviera, baby.

If you ever see me walking down the street…
Kick me in the nuts, then say what’s up.

My most notable run-in with the law…
Was when I murdered some family in Denver. Hush.

If I had to say sorry it would be because…
I slept with your mom…and dad. Do I have to say sorry?

I lose control when…
I hit the dance floor.

The last time I swore I’d never drink was after a night of…
AA meetings.

Future projects and plans…
Producing beats for my crew—Mickey Avalon, Andre Legacy, and Beardo.

And before I leave I’d like to give a shout out to…
All my LA homies, Oakland homies, Miami homies, and NYC homies. And all the ladies who wanna abort my seeds.